This weekend I'm in NC helpin' my folks pack-up to move in a few weeks out of the house that I grew up in. It's a bittersweet transition, but God has shown His tenderness and given much encouragement to all involved. I am going to miss this house tho. It's not the biggest house I've ever lived in, or the fanciest or something, but it was home for me for much of my young years and I'll always love it.
It's sad to not be coming back to it for Christmas and vacations. My favorite little pets are all buried in the backyard, my initials are carved in some of those trees too. The walls have dents from my laundry basket and notches where I proved that I was taller than my brothers (that was a long time ago!). The sidewalk displays my initials, the little tree I planted for Mom has grown up like I have, the stairway walls skinned my knuckles multiple times, and I'm still not telling where I hid the time capsule. I've definitely left my mark on this house and it's left it's on me. When I go home to my Virginia today, it will be the last time I close the front door of my childhood home. There's a lot of sweet and silly memories within those walls. From food fights to pillow fights, to composting in the turtle-pen (don't ask), to reading American Girl books on the catwalk with Diana, teaching Tay how to flip play pancakes in the cubby hide-out, sleeping crammed together on the lumpy futon with my Jeni and Liz, trying to be the center of attention at every teen party, family devotions around the breakfast table, the summer of ice cream socials, and the pressure washer shower head. I'm so grateful for the sweet family heritage that this house has been a part of thru the years. In this house I helped teach Patrick to walk, celebrated the "tube-sock Christmas," made best friends, gave my heart fully to Christ, graduated high school, learned to drive my first car, fell in love, got ready for my wedding, and introduced Eva to her great-grandparents. What a special place this has been and will always be.
So, dear old house, I leave my childhood and a little bit of my heart with you. Goodbye.
We received a phone call a couple days ago from a social worker from CCDA (the agency we're working with) saying that they were eager to get our home study going and "get us into the system." Apparently they don't get a lot of applicants saying they'd be willing to consider most any baby, and they said we would be a "valuable resource to have on hand" for mothers that come to them. Sounds good to us! So we've been assigned a social worker (got the letter today), so now our home study can begin.
This has been a long time coming, but today is the day we get to take the first big step on our journey towards adoption. Adam and I have been praying, searching, reading, going to meetings, calling, studying, reviewing, praying more, talking, comparing, weighing, and praying again for about five months now about adoption and the who, what, when, and where of it all. This week we settled on our agency and were so excited to fill out their application and put it in the mail today together as a family. Our mail lady was even so kind as to take our picture. : )
In the next few weeks we will be assigned a social worker and begin the heaps of paperwork preparing for the first home study meeting. Please be praying with us for provision, direction, faith, and peace, as well as for God's protection and tender love to be on the birthmother and baby we have yet to meet. We don't know how long it will be before we welcome that next little one into our home (maybe by Christmastime, dear Lord?), but we'll keep everyone informed here on the family blog as we walk this unknown but (we pray) joyful new road.
my Little Helper signs some paperwork with me yesterday
Adoption is such a beautiful picture of God's heart of love and we're so grateful to be able to pursue this path for growing our family now. For me, it has been a life-long desire, and for us as a family it's always been part of the "picture" we had in mind when we thot about what we'd like "us" to be. We're also so grateful to be walking this road with so many cheerleaders on each side. (That'd be y'all.) That baby, wherever he or she is, I know, is already so loved. Y'allguyses' (southern homeschoolin' there, for ya) love for us is truly amazing and completely faith-building. Already, before we even had a agency picked, the cheering and gift-giving began. How humbling and how sweet. Our dear Church Family stretches across states and even continents. We so often have our breath taken away by God's love thru so many. We love our Savior more because of you. And we love you back, folks.Thank you. And thank you, Jesus, for giving your life so we all might be adopted by and reconciled with Our Heavenly Father who's love propels our own.
O LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you; I will praise your name,
for you have done wonderful things,
plans formed of old, faithful and sure.
Isaiah 25:1
"And then the mail truck chugged slowly away, carrying within it's faded blue and white tin frame their postmarked hopes and dreams..."
Hey Campbellstown Buddies! Welcome to the 200th post! (Which I'm rewriting because my mama said that it sounded mildly self-exultant before...whoops.)
You may have noticed things look different around here... I've changed the look of the blog so I can post larger photos and keep everything fresh. Also, if you like Campbellstown, and get grumpy if you miss a post, you can now get theposts sent to your email so you'll never miss a single delightful moment. (winky, smiley) Just click the link over there... no, higher up...above our family photo.... that's it...and put in your email.
Also, (exciting news!) I've started up a new blog (in addition to Campbellstown) called Odds n Em's. It's a nifty little outlet for all the craft, D.I.Y., and art projects that bounce around in my head. I hope you'll enjoy checking out what busyness goes on there. The link for that blog is over there too....
Today is the day our baby was due to be born if I hadn’t miscarried this summer. It’s been a long journey from that happy day in May when Adam and I sat on our big brown couch smiling and thanking God that we were going to have our second child, to a little over a month later shaking with confusion and disbelief at the picture of my empty womb on the sonogram, to sitting with Yahweh and asking Him for a name for the child that only He could hold now, to the Monday spent in pain in body and soul at the hospital as my system realized it wasn’t pregnant anymore, to the nights of crying myself to sleep in the lap of God of All Comfort, to the days of reading and rereading treasured scripture and emails as friends and family poured out their tender hearts to us, to the quiet moments when my arms ached as only a mother’s arms do, to the moments of the sweetest closeness to my Abba that I’ve ever known singing “Morning by Morning”, to days of welcoming dear friends’ new little ones into this world, to the “Mommy you squishing me” hugs as I thanked God over and over for my little Evangeline, to the moments of sniffles and silence in my treasured husband’s arms who never knew what to say, but that was okay, to holding friends hands who knew and friends hands who wanted to know, to the days of seeing Jesus truly as Source of All Joy, to today where I can look back and cry sweet grateful tears for the pain and truly say, “He has always been my Rock."
I wrote an email to some family and folks back in June about it all, and much of what I wrote back then is still true today – I miss my baby, but accept God’s sending him on, and mostly I find I look forward to the joy of heaven ever more. Below are parts of the email and some things that God has kindly given me to feed my soul from in this season.
“… about the baby. we decided to name the baby "erel" (air-ell) which means "i see God" because we have seen God's tenderness, wisdom, care, and affection throughout this process and because we know erel now sees the Lord like our hearts long to.
elisabeth elliot says it well as she writes to a friend who lost her baby girl:
"Yet it is 'no strange thing' that has happened to you, as Peter said in his epistle, (1 Peter 4:12) - it gives you a share in Christ's suffering. ... Not only does He enter into grief in the fullest understanding, suffer with us and for us, but in the very depths of sorrow He allows us, in His mercy, to enter into His; gives us a share, permits us the high privilege of 'filling up' that which is lacking (Col 1:24) in His own. He makes, in other words, something redemptive out of our broken hearts, if those hearts are offered up to Him." Elisabeth Elliot Newsletter, March/April 1988, "The Ultimate Contradiction"
each day has it's "moment" where there are tears, but the truth is we have found joy in this sorrow. though we don't know why erel was not made for this earth for long, we are glad that God still saw fit to give him to us, even for a short while. think about it... he will never know suffering, he will never hear us speak harshly to him, tho we may never hold him, it is so much better that he is held in the hands that made the universe. he will only ever know the sweetest joys and delights that Heaven is made of, and for that we are happy to give him up. what more could a parent want for their child? he's still ours, tho he be far off, he's still a campbell, and we miss him, but we look forward to one day joining him in the presence of the One who was loving enough to add him to our family for a couple months. and we look forward to perhaps introducing him to each of you some Day and rejoicing in seeing God's goodness more fully. that will be a happy day.”
I’ve found a helpful source for thinking through trials like this in exerts from the Letters of Samuel Rutherford. He writes to a man who has lost his son,
“Dearest brother, go on and faint not. Something of yours is in heaven… The cup ye drink was at the lip of Jesus, and He drank of it… The good Husbandman ... may transplant young trees out of the lower ground to the higher, where they may have more of the sun, and a more free air, at any season of the year. What is that to you or me? The goods are His own. The Creator of time and winds did a merciful injury (if I dare borrow the word) to nature, in landing the passenger so early.”
And there’s my peace – that my Good Shepherd knows what He’s doing. He is gentle with me. He does not grieve me willingly. He is chipping and shaping and making me resemble Him more and I’m grateful for that, so grateful. He’s always been faithful to me. He truly is a rock of refuge to which I may continually come. (Ps.71:3)
Since we lost the baby, we have desired still for our family to grow, but God has not granted this yet. And after talking to my doctor a couple times she has expressed concerns about possible infertility, but we know God is bigger than any issues my body might have. He will grow our family how He sees best and when He sees best.
“He whose life is one even and smooth path, will see but little of the glory of the Lord, for he has few occasions of self-emptying, and hence, but little fitness for being filled with the revelation of God. They who navigate little streams and shallow creeks, know but little of the God of tempests; but they who “do business in great waters,” these see his “wonders in the deep.” Among the huge Atlantic-waves of bereavement, poverty, temptation, and reproach, we learn the power of Jehovah, because we feel the littleness of man. Thank God, then, if you have been led by a rough road: it is this which has given you your experience of God’s greatness and loving-kindness.” C.H. Spurgeon “Morning & Evening” July 9th – Morn.
Because of God’s faithfulness I can whole-heartedly say with the psalmist that my “heart is glad in him, because [I] trust in his holy name.” (Ps. 32:21) It was a good plan He laid for our family this past year, and I know that I can trust Him for the future. In Is. 41:17-20 God tells the “poor and needy” that though they are thirsty now and can’t find water (or perhaps long for a baby to fill their arms), He can “open rivers on bare heights” and “fountains in the midst of valleys” and turn a desert into an oasis – all so…
“that they may see and know, may consider and understand together, that the hand of the LORD has done this, the Holy One of Israel has created it.”
As you, friends and family, think of us would you pray that God would be glorified, and grow our family, and that we will remain quiet in heart as we wait on Him. Thank you all for your support and tenderness. We have seen such a sweet picture of God’s love through you all.
*Gather children, scissors, a bunch of (unused) basic white coffee filters, and clear tape.
* Fold take one filter and smooth in out as best you can so it lays flat.
* Fold filter in half, then half again, then half again, until you have about a 1in. "pie slice" left.
* Holding the filter together tightly, make little cuts in the sides and along the edges of the "slice" in whatever way you'd like. (WARNING: Pay attention to not cut off all of any one side. That's how you make Half-flakes.)
* Unfold your new flake and decorate if you like or leave them plain as we did here.
* Tape or hang up around your house to welcome winter snows!
Tips: Fold two or three filters together at once to make multiples of one design.
Small, sharp scissors work best for this craft.
These flakes would go great with a batch of paper hearts for a wintery valentine!
Don't have coffee filters? Use circles of tissue paper!
