Our social worker called today to say that the birth mother chose the other family she met with Saturday to be the parents of her little boy, Dre. (Dray)
From my journal this week:
Aug. 8, 2011
"We're waiting still, here on Monday, to hear of [birth mother's] decision. I'll admit, it's getting hard to be patient, but I'm also growing grateful for the time we've "had" with Dre in our hearts. I realised something truly sweet today: Dre doesn't have a Christian mother, and so while he's in my heart and I'm praying for him all the time, I'm "mothering" him in the very best way. This makes my heart so glad, because even if he's not going to be my boy to raise, I still got to be his "mother" for a little while, which was a dream come true. (I've always had a heart and desire for an African American son) God knows this desire is deep and my love for baby Dre is strong, and seeing him go to another home would be tough, but there is a deeper, settled peace that is wrapping all these emotions and feelings and guarding my heart. Thank you, Lord, for your mighty power in loving care of me! Your tenderness is touchable. I truly trust you. How amazing is this peace that you've given me! It really does surpass understanding. Thank you, Amen."
Though today's phone call was not easy, Adam and I just kinda sat there for a while, that I was talking about peace still resides in both our hearts and neither of us feel "crushed" or depressed by the news. I'm grateful that, though we had to wade in much deeper with this birth mother and baby, God really guarded our hearts from anxiety and holding onto something that wasn't His will. We love this little boy, but we see now that he's not our little man, and so we're praying now for his new home that the gospel will be taught to him there and in his new family that he'll grow to be a man of God with them. And so we let him go.
In less than a month our training begins and we'll be in the "parent pool" and possibly getting more calls than we are now - or not. Ya never know in this business of adoption! Each call has equipped us and prepared us better and better for this process; this one was certainly the most involved and "heart pulling." Our social worker says things are not typically done this way (with there being two families met with) - but we know Who's running the show, as always, and so we're seeking to play our parts with grace and gratefulness.
I'm tellin' ya folks, goin' through this makes me cherish and thank God for my sweet little girl all the more. I hold on to her and praise God for His goodness, and I hold onto His Word and expect more. Thank you all for your prayers and "cheers" as we keep on down this road. It's been very uplifting to read your encouragements and hear of your excitement. We feel the love, y'all, and love ya back.
